Cool Fictional Women

March is Women’s History month, so in honor of that I want to talk about some cool fictional women. We look to fiction to both reflect and shape our culture. When it comes to women, fiction can sometimes get it wrong. Whether that’s improbably busty heroines always in need of rescuing or make over queens ala She’s All That, fiction often leads us to believe that being a woman means we must be hot and slutty but demure and needy. Cause that makes sense. But every now and then a female character comes along that’s so fully realized she could be your mom or your best friend or even you. Each day this week I’m going to showcase five of my favorite female characters from television, books, and films. Let’s start the week off with five of my favorite ladies currently on television.



1. Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
As portrayed by the hilarious and talented Tina Fey, Liz has quickly become a hero to
geeky girls everywhere. How can you not relate to Liz when she whips out a Heroes
reference at a swanky party where oxygen is actually on the menu? Besides a love for
pop culture, Liz also happens to be the head writer of her very own comedy sketch
show. She’s funny, quirky, talented, but most certainly not flawless. And she wears
glasses. Liz Lemon is paving the way for all of us who would rather watch Lost than
go shoe shopping.



2. Juliet Burke, Lost
Speaking of Lost, is there a female character in all the land as kick-ass as Juliet? Back
in those dark days before Elizabeth Mitchell made her entrance set to the tune of Petula
Clark’s “Downtown” the ladies of Lost were all a bit, well lackluster, compared to
their male counterparts. Yeah I love Kate, but she spends a wee bit too much time
waffling between Jack and Sawyer to be truly cool. Sun’s pretty awesome but she too
often fades to the background. Claire? Too irrational and whiny. Ditto Shannon. Ana
Lucia was a bit too much like a rabid pit bull. But Juliet? She can knock out Jack, run
complicated double crossing schemes, have sex with Goodwin, and make a mean
grilled cheese sandwich. Awesome.



3. Miranda Bailey, Grey’s Anatomy
Bailey’s been the most awesome of all the Grey’s ladies since day one. She’s tough,
ambitious, and hey, even a mom. She can be vulnerable (see her interact with her old
high school crush) and still rule the interns/residents with an iron fist (see her put the
smack down on Izzie, et al. post Denny). She’s perhaps the most real charcter on the
show. And despite their attempts to bust up her marriage she’s also the most normal.
She’s a damn fine doctor, a good mother, mentor, and friend. We should all aspire to
be like Miranda Bailey.



4. Pam Beesly, The Office
Last year was The Year of Pam. That was the year she dropped her dead weight
boyfriend Roy, started dating, got her own apartment, held an art show and oh yeah,
walked on fire. We saw our girl Pam grow up before our very eyes, learning to stand
on her own two feet and finally speak her mind. By the time Pam triumphantly ran
across hot coals before proclaiming her feelings for Jim all without one ounce of
embarrassment I knew Pam had arrived. This year she’s finally got her guy, but the
best part was watching her find herself.



5. Betty Suarez, Ugly Betty
Occasionally Betty walks into glass doors or trips over her own feet and I inwardly
groan because that may be the worst of the I’m a cutesy girl clichés but then I
remember what Betty looks like. Bushy hair. Glasses. Braces. Unique fashion sense.
Pretty much me if I started dressing myself in the dark. The fact that Betty can look
like that and still do the cutesy girl pratfalls is actually kind of uplifting. Because Betty is
the cute girl. She’s not the goofy sidekick; she’s the main event. Add to that her big
heart and confidence and you’ve got one of the most important female characters to
hit television since a certain tiny blonde started saving the world. The best part? She’s not just
a moral compass, Betty has flaws, she screws up, she makes bad choices. This just
makes her all the more beautiful.

Honorable Mentions: Temperance-Bones, Peggy-Mad Men, Robin-How I Met Your Mother, Olive-Pushing Daisies, Nora-Brothers and Sisters, Martha-Torchwood/Doctor Who, Lynette-Desperate Housewives, Rita-Dexter, and Wanda-Corner Gas

I Can Make You Thin And Let You Eat Oreo's

Does anyone else find themselves compelled to watch TLC’s programs? It doesn’t really matter if it’s “What Not to Wear” or a five hour marathon of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” I often lose hours of my life watching other people redecorate their living rooms thanks to TLC.
Yesterday I stumbled upon Paul McKenna’s new show, “I Can Make You Thin”. I of course watched it because, come on who doesn’t want to be thin? And if the becoming thin sounds like it involves magic? Just try and stop me.

So I watched Mr. Mckenna excitedly explain his four golden rules to weight loss success to a room full teary-eyed chubby people like myself. These are his golden rules: 1. Eat when you’re hungry, 2. Eat what you want, 3. Eat consciously, and 4. Stop when your full. Sounds kind of crazy, right? Eat what I want? What if I want French fries and brownies and pasta, oh glorious pasta! McKenna says cool man just chew it all 20 times while wearing a blind fold and were golden. Seriously though, it sounds more like he can make me constipated. Also, have you ever tried to chew your food twenty times? I did. My poor chicken nugget completely disintegrated well before I reached the magic chew number of twenty. I was left feeling like I should be looking for some baby birds to feed.
One food this would definitely work with: Cube Steak, which if you don’t chew it a good twenty times you can always play swallow the bite whole with your friends. Whoever requires the Heimlich maneuver first loses! *

I’ll give him this though his excitement is rather infectious. By the end of the hour I was vowing to never deny myself Ben and Jerry’s again. But a couple of times I thought he came off a bit pushy. Like with that poor mother of three who was his demonstration gal. He gives her macaroni and then proceeds to watch her eat it, instructing her to place the fork down in between bights and to chew it s-l-o-w-l-y, but after every bight he would lean in all earnest like and say, “Do you feel it?” and “Are you full?” over and over when you could tell the lady just wanted to scream I’m still on my third noodle man, would you just let me enjoy my mac and cheese!

It was interesting though and I would be lying if I said I didn’t tear up when he brought the Indian lady out as his success story. She seemed so darn happy I wanted give her a high five. Skepticism aside, I’m so watching him again. Besides according to his website he can also “Make You Confident!” and “Make You Stop Smoking!” and he’s apparently some kind of guru to the stars. He also alludes to a mind-programming CD so he could also be trying to take over the world. Or make us all cluck like chickens at inappropriate times. Either way, how is that not entertaining?

So that’s one more show to add to TLC’s shamefully addictive line-up. Alright, I’m going to go not deny myself a baked potato now.

*This blog does not endorse swallowing your food whole unless you are a snake, in which case carry on.

The Stangers, Or How Movie Trailers Are Freakin Scary

So I’m back from my pop-culture saturated spring break which involved polishing off season one of Dexter (excellent), watching No Country For Old Man—twice, and reading essays by Chuck Klosterman ranging from the fascinating to the annoying to the disconcerting. It was fun and I’m sure I’ll blog about all of these lovely things at some point but today I’m blogging about a much more pressing matter: CBS’s attempt to scare the crap out of me with the most terrifying movie trailer in all the land.

There I was back in my apartment after a lovely vacation relaxing, reading my Entertainment Weekly half listening to Dexter on CBS (I wanted to see how ridiculous Deb would sound edited) when out of nowhere comes this trailer. You see I like to watch movie trailers, I love that nice movie man announcer’s voice, I like to mock the often crappy music choices, they are second only to those Tide talking stain ads in terms of my personal commercial hierarchy (bottom tier: those damn Pepperidge Farms Go Meat commercials---those ad men are going to the special hell). So I pepped up when I noticed the beginning strains of what I assumed would be a short ad for some crappy creep fest that would give me a good chuckle before bed. Instead I was treated to Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler being all flirty and “let’s make dinner honey”. What’s so scary about…hey what’s that thing in the corner? Is that a mask? Turn around Liv Tyler, for the love of God turn around!

Things just got worse from there. There were messages (Hello! Hi! Hello!) scrawled on their mirror. There was an ax. An ax, people. Then it turned out it wasn’t just one homicidal maniac but a whole family of homicidal maniacs including a tiny little ax wielding creepy kid. At this point I was a whimpering mess, but the ad continued. Because apparently 30 seconds of traumatizing me just wasn’t enough. No from there they gleefully announce this story was inspired by actual events. By “actual events” I hope they mean some nice young couple heard strange noises and assumed there was an ax wielding maniac but really it was just some rascally raccoons, but hey wouldn’t that make a great horror movie?

The end result: I had actual, honest to God nightmares. Yes I realize I am a wuss, but I very rarely have actual nightmares. In short: thanks a lot CBS. Just because I’m watching a show about serial killers doesn’t mean I want to see an ad about crazy ass ax murderers who hang out in your new house waiting to kill you dead.

I tried to research the whole “actual events” angle but once I reached the official site I started screaming like a little girl and frantically hit my computer’s back button. I’m just going to stick with the raccoon angle. If you too would like to be freaked out check out the film over at http://www.imdb.com/ ---The Strangers. I have no plans on ever actually seeing this film and I’m sure I’ll spend the next couple of months living in fear of being caught off guard by the trailer, but I have to hand it to them this seems like a legitimately scary film opposed to a disgusting film ala the Saw franchise. Which is something, I guess. Just keep that creepy kid away from me, okay?