Cool Fictional Women

March is Women’s History month, so in honor of that I want to talk about some cool fictional women. We look to fiction to both reflect and shape our culture. When it comes to women, fiction can sometimes get it wrong. Whether that’s improbably busty heroines always in need of rescuing or make over queens ala She’s All That, fiction often leads us to believe that being a woman means we must be hot and slutty but demure and needy. Cause that makes sense. But every now and then a female character comes along that’s so fully realized she could be your mom or your best friend or even you. Each day this week I’m going to showcase five of my favorite female characters from television, books, and films. Let’s start the week off with five of my favorite ladies currently on television.



1. Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
As portrayed by the hilarious and talented Tina Fey, Liz has quickly become a hero to
geeky girls everywhere. How can you not relate to Liz when she whips out a Heroes
reference at a swanky party where oxygen is actually on the menu? Besides a love for
pop culture, Liz also happens to be the head writer of her very own comedy sketch
show. She’s funny, quirky, talented, but most certainly not flawless. And she wears
glasses. Liz Lemon is paving the way for all of us who would rather watch Lost than
go shoe shopping.



2. Juliet Burke, Lost
Speaking of Lost, is there a female character in all the land as kick-ass as Juliet? Back
in those dark days before Elizabeth Mitchell made her entrance set to the tune of Petula
Clark’s “Downtown” the ladies of Lost were all a bit, well lackluster, compared to
their male counterparts. Yeah I love Kate, but she spends a wee bit too much time
waffling between Jack and Sawyer to be truly cool. Sun’s pretty awesome but she too
often fades to the background. Claire? Too irrational and whiny. Ditto Shannon. Ana
Lucia was a bit too much like a rabid pit bull. But Juliet? She can knock out Jack, run
complicated double crossing schemes, have sex with Goodwin, and make a mean
grilled cheese sandwich. Awesome.



3. Miranda Bailey, Grey’s Anatomy
Bailey’s been the most awesome of all the Grey’s ladies since day one. She’s tough,
ambitious, and hey, even a mom. She can be vulnerable (see her interact with her old
high school crush) and still rule the interns/residents with an iron fist (see her put the
smack down on Izzie, et al. post Denny). She’s perhaps the most real charcter on the
show. And despite their attempts to bust up her marriage she’s also the most normal.
She’s a damn fine doctor, a good mother, mentor, and friend. We should all aspire to
be like Miranda Bailey.



4. Pam Beesly, The Office
Last year was The Year of Pam. That was the year she dropped her dead weight
boyfriend Roy, started dating, got her own apartment, held an art show and oh yeah,
walked on fire. We saw our girl Pam grow up before our very eyes, learning to stand
on her own two feet and finally speak her mind. By the time Pam triumphantly ran
across hot coals before proclaiming her feelings for Jim all without one ounce of
embarrassment I knew Pam had arrived. This year she’s finally got her guy, but the
best part was watching her find herself.



5. Betty Suarez, Ugly Betty
Occasionally Betty walks into glass doors or trips over her own feet and I inwardly
groan because that may be the worst of the I’m a cutesy girl clichés but then I
remember what Betty looks like. Bushy hair. Glasses. Braces. Unique fashion sense.
Pretty much me if I started dressing myself in the dark. The fact that Betty can look
like that and still do the cutesy girl pratfalls is actually kind of uplifting. Because Betty is
the cute girl. She’s not the goofy sidekick; she’s the main event. Add to that her big
heart and confidence and you’ve got one of the most important female characters to
hit television since a certain tiny blonde started saving the world. The best part? She’s not just
a moral compass, Betty has flaws, she screws up, she makes bad choices. This just
makes her all the more beautiful.

Honorable Mentions: Temperance-Bones, Peggy-Mad Men, Robin-How I Met Your Mother, Olive-Pushing Daisies, Nora-Brothers and Sisters, Martha-Torchwood/Doctor Who, Lynette-Desperate Housewives, Rita-Dexter, and Wanda-Corner Gas

I Can Make You Thin And Let You Eat Oreo's

Does anyone else find themselves compelled to watch TLC’s programs? It doesn’t really matter if it’s “What Not to Wear” or a five hour marathon of “Jon and Kate Plus 8” I often lose hours of my life watching other people redecorate their living rooms thanks to TLC.
Yesterday I stumbled upon Paul McKenna’s new show, “I Can Make You Thin”. I of course watched it because, come on who doesn’t want to be thin? And if the becoming thin sounds like it involves magic? Just try and stop me.

So I watched Mr. Mckenna excitedly explain his four golden rules to weight loss success to a room full teary-eyed chubby people like myself. These are his golden rules: 1. Eat when you’re hungry, 2. Eat what you want, 3. Eat consciously, and 4. Stop when your full. Sounds kind of crazy, right? Eat what I want? What if I want French fries and brownies and pasta, oh glorious pasta! McKenna says cool man just chew it all 20 times while wearing a blind fold and were golden. Seriously though, it sounds more like he can make me constipated. Also, have you ever tried to chew your food twenty times? I did. My poor chicken nugget completely disintegrated well before I reached the magic chew number of twenty. I was left feeling like I should be looking for some baby birds to feed.
One food this would definitely work with: Cube Steak, which if you don’t chew it a good twenty times you can always play swallow the bite whole with your friends. Whoever requires the Heimlich maneuver first loses! *

I’ll give him this though his excitement is rather infectious. By the end of the hour I was vowing to never deny myself Ben and Jerry’s again. But a couple of times I thought he came off a bit pushy. Like with that poor mother of three who was his demonstration gal. He gives her macaroni and then proceeds to watch her eat it, instructing her to place the fork down in between bights and to chew it s-l-o-w-l-y, but after every bight he would lean in all earnest like and say, “Do you feel it?” and “Are you full?” over and over when you could tell the lady just wanted to scream I’m still on my third noodle man, would you just let me enjoy my mac and cheese!

It was interesting though and I would be lying if I said I didn’t tear up when he brought the Indian lady out as his success story. She seemed so darn happy I wanted give her a high five. Skepticism aside, I’m so watching him again. Besides according to his website he can also “Make You Confident!” and “Make You Stop Smoking!” and he’s apparently some kind of guru to the stars. He also alludes to a mind-programming CD so he could also be trying to take over the world. Or make us all cluck like chickens at inappropriate times. Either way, how is that not entertaining?

So that’s one more show to add to TLC’s shamefully addictive line-up. Alright, I’m going to go not deny myself a baked potato now.

*This blog does not endorse swallowing your food whole unless you are a snake, in which case carry on.

The Stangers, Or How Movie Trailers Are Freakin Scary

So I’m back from my pop-culture saturated spring break which involved polishing off season one of Dexter (excellent), watching No Country For Old Man—twice, and reading essays by Chuck Klosterman ranging from the fascinating to the annoying to the disconcerting. It was fun and I’m sure I’ll blog about all of these lovely things at some point but today I’m blogging about a much more pressing matter: CBS’s attempt to scare the crap out of me with the most terrifying movie trailer in all the land.

There I was back in my apartment after a lovely vacation relaxing, reading my Entertainment Weekly half listening to Dexter on CBS (I wanted to see how ridiculous Deb would sound edited) when out of nowhere comes this trailer. You see I like to watch movie trailers, I love that nice movie man announcer’s voice, I like to mock the often crappy music choices, they are second only to those Tide talking stain ads in terms of my personal commercial hierarchy (bottom tier: those damn Pepperidge Farms Go Meat commercials---those ad men are going to the special hell). So I pepped up when I noticed the beginning strains of what I assumed would be a short ad for some crappy creep fest that would give me a good chuckle before bed. Instead I was treated to Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler being all flirty and “let’s make dinner honey”. What’s so scary about…hey what’s that thing in the corner? Is that a mask? Turn around Liv Tyler, for the love of God turn around!

Things just got worse from there. There were messages (Hello! Hi! Hello!) scrawled on their mirror. There was an ax. An ax, people. Then it turned out it wasn’t just one homicidal maniac but a whole family of homicidal maniacs including a tiny little ax wielding creepy kid. At this point I was a whimpering mess, but the ad continued. Because apparently 30 seconds of traumatizing me just wasn’t enough. No from there they gleefully announce this story was inspired by actual events. By “actual events” I hope they mean some nice young couple heard strange noises and assumed there was an ax wielding maniac but really it was just some rascally raccoons, but hey wouldn’t that make a great horror movie?

The end result: I had actual, honest to God nightmares. Yes I realize I am a wuss, but I very rarely have actual nightmares. In short: thanks a lot CBS. Just because I’m watching a show about serial killers doesn’t mean I want to see an ad about crazy ass ax murderers who hang out in your new house waiting to kill you dead.

I tried to research the whole “actual events” angle but once I reached the official site I started screaming like a little girl and frantically hit my computer’s back button. I’m just going to stick with the raccoon angle. If you too would like to be freaked out check out the film over at http://www.imdb.com/ ---The Strangers. I have no plans on ever actually seeing this film and I’m sure I’ll spend the next couple of months living in fear of being caught off guard by the trailer, but I have to hand it to them this seems like a legitimately scary film opposed to a disgusting film ala the Saw franchise. Which is something, I guess. Just keep that creepy kid away from me, okay?

Dear Lost,

Thanks for erasing any need for me to watch the inevitably crappy film adaptation of The Time Traveler’s Wife, Penny and Des will do just fine thanks.

Oh Lost. I want to post coherent and unbiased analysis for you but how can I when you fill me with so much awe and glee? How can I offer up cold-hard analysis of a scene like
Des and Penny’s Christmas Eve phone call that it so clearly the definition of poetry in motion? The sheer epicness of their relationship means I cannot speak about it in the cynical manner I usually use when talking about the dreaded "star-crossed lovers".

And Sayid with his old school season one MacGyver skills! And looking after Desmond! And slamming Doctor Man against a wall!

And there was time travel. Honest to God time travel that was explained well sans paradox---well mostly. (Sidenote: Shouldn’t Desmond have already possessed the memory of meeting Daniel in 1996?) And “Desmond is my constant”. There should be a t-shirt, yes?

And Daniel Faraday: time traveling super genius for the win! Oh and thanks for making my brain spin crazy theories about Eloise (She’s his ex-love who died tragically! She’s his ex-partner who he accidentally trapped in the fourth dimension! She has a restraining order against him because he’s really a creepy stalker! She’s his time traveling lab rat….wait, what?).

Well you see why I can’t have rational thoughts about you. I guess I’ll just have to settle for channeling my squee-filled inner fourteen year old on Thursdays. I hope you’re happy.

P.S. If you hurt one hair on Juliet’s head next week I swear I will post unbiased and completely coherent analysis about you, don’t look at me like that I’m not kidding.

P.P.S. To ABC actually, feel free to run that Iron Man preview on a continual loop if you like. MMM…Robert Downey Jr.

Reasons to Stay Up Past 11:00

I’ve spent many years resisting the allure of the late-night television show. Well, okay technically for many of those years my parents had a strict be in bed by 10:00 rule, but even now sans bedtime I rarely feel the need to watch late night chat shows. Sure I tune in if Seth Green’s guesting on Conan or if one my Lost folks is popping up on Jimmy Kimmel, but mostly I opt for Simpsons reruns if I’m up past the 11:00 hour.

Lately, I’ve begun to feel left out. I’ve never actually seen one of Letterman’s Top 10’s or watched an entire episode of Saturday Night Live. What does this say about me as a pop culture consumer? That I value sleep over largely overrated late-night television? Perhaps, but I fear that is not a valid excuse for such a glaring cultural blind spot. Especially since these shows have been pretty entertaining as of late. For instance last night’s Jimmy Kimmel retaliation to girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s extracurricular activities with Matt Damon? Priceless (with the added bonus of Dominic Monaghan and a profane Josh Groban). And what about the Tina Fey hosted episode of SNL? Man, I really should have watched that one live.

Then there was the Stewart/O’Brian/Colbert match up a couple of weeks ago that I had to google before I could get the joke. Late night television appears to be culturally relevant again and I suppose it’s time for to dip my toe into these uncharted waters. It’s not feasible for me to watch all of the late night shows so I feel I should pick one or two to watch at least once a week, you know just so I no longer feel left out of those annoying Who’s your favorite late night host conversations.

I know I won’t be picking Leno. Once I watched a few minutes of his show and became some distracted by the strange proportion of his head I found I hadn’t heard a word of what he had said.

I find Letterman to be a bit dry for my taste, but he does get props for being the first host to step up and pay his crew during the strike. But his show has too much audience interaction for my taste. Leave the audience alone, Letterman, I do not want to audition for a seat to watch your show---why don’t you do a backflip while singing the national anthem backwards?

Now Conan I’ve watched before and liked, so he’s a distinct possibility for regular viewing. I particularly enjoyed the episode last season when B.J. Novak called out the Cadbury company on decreasing the size of their chocolate eggs. Youtube it, it’s fantastic.

Kimmel gets bonus points for being a Lost fan. Out of all the late night shows I’ve seen his the most, which is you know six more times than I’ve seen Letterman.

And then there’s Ferguson who would be a serious contender if he wasn’t on so late. I watched him one night while taking a break from writing a paper that was due at 9:00 a.m. and found him delightful. Plus Dominic Monaghan appears on his show. A lot.

Hey, does Carson Daly still have a talk show? Oh well, I’ve never seen it and I don’t think anyone else has either.

And then there’s SNL, not technically a chat show, but it is on quite late and I’ve only ever seen the random skit.

So, in conclusion, I think I’ll make an attempt to catch Kimmel and O’Brian when I’m not in desperate need of a good eight hours and I’m totally going to watch an entire episode of SNL. I will be well versed in late night television you just wait and see. And now I’ll be able to let you know where I land on that whole best late night host issue.

Dexter Meet Shawn

On the surface Psych and Dexter seem like unlikely companions. Could the outgoing, life-loving Shawn Spencer and the coldly logical Dexter Morgan have anything in common? On any other day perhaps not, but if you like me spent the weekend watching the boys side by side you might agree.

I was introduced to Dexter, that most morally ambiguous serial killer, for the first time this weekend and immediately fell for him and his dark horror/noir confection of a show. It is remarkably well crafted and Michael C. Hall is eerily convincing and appealing in this unusual role. So far (I’m six episodes into season one) I love everything about the show from the unexpectedly jaunty music to the dark Miami setting to the character’s constant eating. It’s a strange and disorienting world that’s almost compulsively watchable. However, I had to take a break sometime. It just so happened that I filled that break by watching the season finale of Psych.

I’ve loved Psych since it debuted two years ago on USA. It’s a light, funny show peppered with obscure 80’s references and random pineapple sightings. It’s at once silly and fully aware of its silliness, merrily lampooning those serious procedurals and psychic cop dramas in one fell swoop. At its center is James Roday as the hyper-observant faux psychic Shawn. Roday mugs and jumps and still manages to give one the most purely comedic performances on television. The show is in short a joy to watch.

So you can imagine my surprise when in a weekend television haze I began to think the two shows had something in common besides being led by two handsome blond men.
In my fevered state it seemed to me that the shows were shadow twins. What is Dexter but a fun-house reflection of Shawn? Stay with me here.

From what I’ve gathered from the series, Dexter is a product of his adoptive father’s molding. Harry saw a dark impulse for killing in Dexter and nurtured that impulse, directing it towards small animals and later “bad” people. He turns Dexter into a sort of vigilante and it seems sets his son up to carry out the impulses he himself as a cop must keep in check. Did Harry really “save” his son as Dexter believes or did he simply hone him into a finely tuned killer? Either way Harry shaped Dexter, never allowing him to find his own path, never giving him any other choice but killing. And Dexter followed that path.

Then there’s Shawn. From a young age Shawn’s cop father Henry honed his son’s observational skills. Everything was a challenge (how many hats in the restaurant, how many towels on the beach) and he tried to keep Shawn grounded, stomping out imaginary notions. In this case Shawn rebelled from his father, using those childhood lessons not to become a cop but to become a “psychic” detective marrying the imaginary and the irreverent in a way that drives his father crazy. Both boys are a product of their father’s molding, Dexter embraces that mold while Shawn took the mold, smashed it and did a little Irish jig on it.

Their very characters are similar. Shawn and Dexter are always performing. Dexter pretends to be normal; he brings donuts to his coworkers and picks up his girlfriend’s kids from school all the while hiding this dark life he leads. Shawn revels in his showmanship, every day is a performance for him. He leaps on desks and throws out fake names leveling every person in his path with his sheer charisma, but we know that this isn’t Shawn. Shawn doesn’t like to be vulnerable, he doesn’t like to be serious so he created a persona that allows him to hide.

And on the superficial side, are there two shows on television any more enamored with the art of eating than these two? The characters are constantly eating or talking about eating, particularly Shawn and Dexter who both approach the act with a strange sort of reverance whether that be Dexter’s ode to the pleasure of eating while driving or Shawn’s joy in preparing the perfect pineapple upside down cake.

Then there’s the whole death thing. The character’s are constantly dealing with death (although Dexter is alone here in inflicting it), but both men approach it in a deeply detached fashion. They don’t grieve over these deaths, in fact they often joke about it. A corpse is a corpse as far as these men are concerned. For each of them a dead body is a source of joy---for Shawn it means a new case to solve and for Dexter it’s either a mystery to unravel or the end result of his favorite pastime.

Finally, to round out the mirror analogy they’re located on opposite sides of the country---Shawn in sunny San Diego and Dexter in well, sunny Miami. So the next time you settle in for a fun, silly night of Psych think about his dark brother the equally charming Dexter and play the what if game. What if it was Shawn merrily killing killers? What if Dexter palled around with Gus solving murders with his hyper-observancy? Is it really such a stretch?

Lost "The Economist"

When Lost is good it’s better than pretty much everything on television with the exception of Mad Men. When Lost is really good it’s better than pretty much everything, ever. At this point you’re probably thinking overstatement much, but join me as we discuss “The Economist” and I convince you that as in all things I am right.

The first sign that this episode was going to rock was the part where it started with Sayid. That’s always a good sign my friends. On the superficial side Naveen Andrews may very well be the most attractive man on the planet. Outside of that he’s one of the finest actors working today (even if he often makes truly terrible movies). It’s like he has this fire in his performance, a passion that can’t help but bubble over into his work. It’s the reason the man has palpable chemistry with everything from his costars to the floor he’s standing on. That’s why I love his episodes, whenever the rest of the cast stands back and lets him go he commands the screen. It’s always breathtaking.

Thursday’s episode may have been his finest to date. In “The Economist” we discover that Sayid gets off the island becomes a hitman, falls in love yet again, has love end in tragedy yet again, and is working for Benjamin Fricken Linus. Throughout it all Sayid ran the gamut from terrifying (shooting that dude on the golf course) to vulnerable (lying with his head on guest star Chloe Bell’s stomach) to broken (breaking down in Ben’s office). Yes, in the end Sayid seemed to be every bit as damaged in the future as the other members of the Oceanic 6.

And can I just say, what an ending that was? From Sayid shooting his latest lady love and crawling across the floor to close her eyes and remove her bracelet in a perfect mirror scene to the beginning of the episode to the reveal that Sayid had “sold his soul” and was now working for Ben it was tragic and aching while still managing to be completely tantalizing. (My crazy theory: The death Ben uses to recruit Sayid to do his dirty work is Nadia’s. Anyone else thinking she might be working for these freighter folks? She was working for a pharmaceutical company was she not? And I’m sorry but I’m not buying a future where a post-island Sayid doesn’t make a beeline for her.)

And what about the on-island action? That shot of Sayid looking out the island as the helicopter rose into the sky was one of the most beautiful Lost has ever given us. Right up there with Sun dropping her shawl in a quiet declaration of freedom back in season one. Also I think I’m falling for Daniel the way I fell for Juliet last year. His stuttering, bumbling genius makes him difficult not to like. I love it when new characters actually work, in fact I’m a little enamored with all of the freighter folk. And what about that experiment? Time moves differently on the island? Or was it a little more sciency than that?

Finally, Sawyer convinces Kate to play house. Oh, Sawyer she’s going to break your heart so bad sweetie. Line of the night goes to Hurley, after Miles calls him tubby he sighs, “Oh great, the boat brought us another Sawyer.” Oh, Hurley.

In conclusion: Lost > everything else.

Join me next week when Kate deals with the stalkerazzi.